5 Lessons from a Coffee Spill

My patio blanket is quite meaningful. It’s a quilt of my favorite t-shirts from parts of my life.

• The shirt I bought after I climbed the Great Wall in China.
• My Dad’s hoodie from the 70s.
• The college dorm shirt we helped design.
• Branded merch from my first big girl job.
• A souvenir from sky diving.

But after an unexpected buzzing of an unseen insect, my meaningful blanket became soaked with dark roast coffee.

And I learned 5 important lessons.

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Act Fast

Sometimes we need to take our time and think through a situation.

• What are all of the options?
• What is the best course of action?
• What have we tried before?

Other times you need to jump up, run to the washing machine, and drop in your prized possession with a lot of detergent and cold water.

Sometimes you need analysis. Sometimes you know what you need to do. You just need to get up and do it.

You could sit and debate with yourself, but it won’t change the choices or the outcome. Not every moment is an innovation moment. You can come up with excuses, but the reality is that if it’s really important, you just need to stand up, and do what needs to be done.

In life, at home, at work… sometimes you just need to clean up the mess.

• Whether it was an accident or not.
• Whether you are responsible or not.

You can stop the damage from getting worse if you just act fast.

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Self-control is required, when you encounter the unexpected.

Self-control is easy when you’re in control.

It’s when you’re surprised, interrupted, disrupted…. that self-control is a skill you wish you had already mastered.

I did not expect a buzzing insect next to my ear while taking a sip of coffee. I have a fear of stinging insects. I couldn’t see the noise maker, but it jolted me out of my reality, and led by fear (rather than self-control), I jumped up.

And so did the coffee. All over me and my belongings.

The likelihood of the curious buzzing insect choosing to sting me (unprovoked) was exceptionally low. The likelihood of it flying into my ear and laying eggs to eventually eat my brain… also low.

The likelihood of spilling my coffee due to my lack of self-control? Off the charts high.

Your ability to be calm and rational when the unexpected interrupts a moment of your day, is a super power.

It prevents more chaos. It prevents problems. It is a sign of character and integrity.

But we like to make excuses for our behavior. “It was their fault. If they hadn’t said X, done Y, ignored Z…”

They had a choice to do what they did. And you have a choice with how you respond.

I do not buy into the “that’s just me, take it or leave it” attitude. If I do, it’s like I’m saying I’m the only person in the world who doesn’t have to change, but I expect everyone around me to do better.

Look, they should do better.

And so should I. I can’t control when they start working on their character, but I can start working on mine now and I can demonstrate the behavior I want to receive. I can develop and practice self-control.

When it comes down to it, true character is revealed in unexpected circumstance.

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Some stains last forever.

I’m surprised it took this long for such an epic coffee spill.

With all of the coffee I drink, and the amount of time I spend with my bible, it was only a matter of time before I spilled coffee in, and on, my bible.

Psalm 18 to be exact.

I acted quickly with paper towels between the pages, soaking up what I could. But I drink my coffee black. And the pages are thin and white.

Psalm 18 now has large blotches. And brown crinkled wrinkled paper. I cannot wash that out, wipe that out, or bleach that out. Some stains last forever.

This is a mistake I cannot undo or wish away. Some mistakes are like that. Permanent, visible, and lasting.

It’s important to know that what we do leaves always leaves a mark in some way.

Some actions have lasting consequences, and we likely have no idea which ones. The words we say (or don’t). The way we treat people (or don’t).

• The person who told me I could. So I did.
• The person who told me I couldn’t. So I still don’t think I can.
• The compliment. The insult. The silence.
• The decision to sing karaoke after the 4th drink.

Our choices, words, and actions, matter. Yes even that post you made online. The comment you left on their video.

Don’t shrug it off. And don’t let the gravity of that drive you to anxiety. Instead let it lead you away from apathy, toward intention.

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Keep a lid on it.

If you don’t want to spill coffee again, you could just stop drinking coffee. Problem solved.

But that’s not the only available solution.

When you reflect on your mistakes, you get to choose from a myriad of options to reduce a future recurrence.

Complete avoidance of situations and people might be the best option. But that isn’t always something you can control. You can also choose to add some boundaries. In my case, a lid would have provided a helpful boundary to keep the coffee inside (and hot), rather than creating a river of evidence across my blanket, jeans, patio, and bible.

There are things we can do to prevent making the same mistakes. And taking time to think, when you’re not in a crisis, before you’re in a crisis, allows you to choose your response in advance.

This can help reduce anxiety in the moment, prevent careless words, avoid decision fatigue throughout your day, and give you confidence.

Sometimes small changes can have the biggest impact. You don’t always have to go nuclear.

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Some marks help you find what you’re looking for.

I haven’t quite memorized the order of the books of the Bible. But now, and for the foreseeable future, I will always be able to quickly jump to Psalm 18.

My bible naturally wants to open to that section every time, where the paper is just a little more textured, raised, and crinkled.

In one small accident, I now have a marker.

• Some marks help you find what you’re looking for.
• Some are reminders so that you learn from mistakes.
• Some act as milestone to remember how far you’ve come.

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Today I am thankful for a coffee spill.

Because of it I will remember the importance of doing the personal hard work to keep developing and practicing self-control, and to reflect on (not dwell on) my mistakes so I can do better next time.

It reminds me that being intentional with all of our words and actions is one of the most mature and responsible things we can choose to do, regardless of how we feel.

It reminds me to make sure I’m not the one leaving stains and marks on others that don’t wash away.

That if I’m going to leave a mark, I better make it a good one.