becoming the woman God needs me to be
It was over a year ago. And it was a bad day at work. I still remember. I felt inadequate, anxious and not quite smart enough to do what was being asked of me. There did not seem to be enough hours for meetings and email and people and the work I was supposed to do in between all of those things that are actually work too. I cracked and cried and called Busia. As I cried explaining the details of my job and the complexity of my emotions, she just listened. She told me she loved me. She wished she could hug me. She called me her girl. There was no particular advice I was seeking, just the comfort of her voice. Any words she would happen to choose were perfectly imperfect, in a tone she used to use when applying my band aids on scraped shins and knees. She was there beside me.
That is what its like to bring our tears to God.
He listens through all the details and the complexity. He doesn’t tell us that He doesn’t care or that it isn’t important or worthy of His time. He lets us cry it out. Like a caring hug through a phone call, He holds us and our concerns. It’s not about jumping in and changing our circumstances. He listens as we go through them. He is there beside us.
And that is valuable. It was not any less valuable to call Busia even though she could not fix my problems, could not change my circumstances, and could not hug me. Her presence was valuable. Her making time to listen to me was valuable.
I long to view time with God the same way. If I look at Him as if he is a genie who can grant wishes, or if I look at Him as someone who owes me anything (happiness, ease, health, etc.), then I am missing the point about what it means to be in a loving relationship with someone.
I loved Busia even when she did nothing for me. Whether she could or couldn’t did not change my love for her or my desire to spend time with her. And Busia loved me even when I could do nothing for her.
Our relationship met the definition of love because it was unconditional.
God loves me even though I can do nothing for Him. Whether I succeed or fail does not change His love for me or His desire to spend time with me.
I want to love God like I loved Busia.
I want to love God like He loves me.
PHOTO CREDIT: Haley A Photography